the one who escaped

It is rare that I see biblical stories spontaneously reenacted, and rarer still that I sympathize with the wrong side.  It happened tonight, though, and I actually turned out to be a rather key player.  Let me set the scene.

(Curtain opens to reveal the kitchen of a Lower North Shore flat.  Long and thin -- well, rectangular, if not exactly long -- there is a sink at one end and a counter that wraps around either side of the sink.  Over the sink is a half-opened window that looks out onto darkness.  To the left of the sink is a drying rack, a toaster, a tea kettle and a canister for garlic and onions.  Under the counter is a trash can.  To the right of the sink, along the wall opposite the trash can, is the stove.  Enter JOB and WIFE just behind sink.)

Job:  Life is great!  I'm great!  I have a huge, beautiful family and live in a huge, beautiful mansion!  I can roam the great outdoors at leisure, and find food whenever I need it!  Praise God!

Job's Wife:  Hallelujah!

(Scene change.  Focus drawn to counter, just near tea kettle.  Enter JOB'S FIRSTBORN, SECONDBORN, THIRDBORN, FOURTHBORN, FIFTHBORN, SIXTHBORN, SEVENTHBORN, EIGHTHBORN, NINTHBORN, TENTHBORN, ELEVENTHBORN and TWELFTHBORN rushing merrily towards the onion canister.)

Firstborn:  This way, brothers!  Huzzah!

Secondborn:  What's that smell?  It's delicious!

Thirdborn:  Perhaps it's the onions!

Fourthborn:  Well, it certainly isn't the garlic.

Fifthborn:  Aha!  It's coming from down there!

(All JOB'S CHILDREN rush headlong towards the trash can, keeping a perfect linear formation as they rush.  "The Ants Go Marching" plays in the background.)

Sixthborn:  Where?  Where?

Seventhborn:  Lead on, Firstborn!  Can you smell it, too?

Firstborn:  YES!  This way!  Hurry!!

Seventhborn:  Why are there so many dead bodies here that look like our servants?

Secondborn:  Nevermind, it doesn't matter!  Come quick!

Seventhborn:  I hate being so far back.  And those bodies are kind of creeping me out.  Are you sure we should be going this way?

Eigthborn:  Faster!  I think I can smell it too!

Seventhborn:  My gosh, you're right!  The harvest is plentiful!  Hallelujah!

Twelfthborn:  I can't smell it yet.

Ninthborn:  I can!  Just three seconds longer, Twelvie, you'll catch a whiff, too.  Faster, faster!

Tenthborn:  Oh, how exciting!

Eleventhborn:  I just can't wait!

Twelfthborn:  At last!  Are you there yet, Firstie?  Is it worth it?

(FIRSTBORN enters the trashcan in a flurry of excitement.  As he does an EVIL GIANTESS enters and begins roaming the kitchen.  At first she organizes some dishes on the right side of the kitchen by the stove, then looks suspiciously at JOB'S CHILDREN.  She appears frustrated and takes a paper towel from the right of the sink, then walks towards JOB'S CHILDREN, who take no notice of her.)

Firstborn:  Yes, yes, my goodness, yes!!  A veritable jackpot!  Turn tail at once, we must to our father and report the good tidings that shall be for all our family at once!  We shall be even richer and happier, hallelujah!

Twelfthborn:  You're sure?  You're positive?

Firstborn:  Of course I am.  I am the Firstborn.  I am always right.  Turn tail at once and you'll not regret it!

Twelfthborn:  Alright then, off we go.

(All siblings run quickly in opposite direction.  EVIL GIANTESS wads up paper towels and begins killing JOB'S CHILDREN at random.  Everyone scatters.  It is pandemonium, yet she is relentless.  "Another One Bites the Dust" plays softly in the background.  SEVENTHBORN runs under tea kettle.  He waits, panting and crying until the horror stops.  He sees the EVIL GIANTESS deposit the paper towel with his brothers' bodies hastily in the trash can.  A moment later he cautiously emerges and makes a dash back to the sink.)

Seventhborn:  Father!  Father!


Job:  Seventhborn!  What is wrong?

Seventhborn:  An evil giantess has killed all your servants and other children and I am the only one that has escaped to tell you!

Job and Wife:  No!  No!  No!

Evil Giantess:  YOU!  How'd you escape?  I've just thrown away the paper towel with the rest of your brothers' bodies; I can't be bothered to get another one just for you.

(Curtain.)

You see?  Profound, wasn't it?  It even reminds me of a Bible verse from Proverbs 6:6:  "Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!"  Who'd have thought they actually could teach us so much?  Or that they were so very willing to martyr themselves for the cause of our enlightenment?

Not that I've exactly been hugely theologically enlightened, but I guess you could say I got dinner and a show.