good vibrations

I live at the Vibe these days.

For those unacquainted, the Vibe is a hotel.  Before you get any wrong ideas, let me be clear:  I live in the lobby.

The lobby, you see, is very nice.  You can just wander in and sit and watch out the window to see when your bus is coming on cold nights.

Oh, wait.  That's the Menzies.

The Vibe has a nice lobby, too, though.  There are comfy chairs and cushions and such and most of the staff are beginning to recognize me, though I think they think I have a split personality.

The reason I go so much, you see, is because it's just near where I used to work, and it's a favorite haunt of my co-workers.  I go there to stalk them.  Which is why the staff thinks I have a split personality:  they don't understand it's not a mental illness, it's just that when you're stalking you're necessarily covert and quiet for hours on end, and then boisterously ecstatic as soon as stalkees enter the area

The area being defined, of course, as within one block in any direction. Stalking 101, really.

Generally my co-workers know I'm waiting for them; other times they're trying desperately to avoid me.  One never leaves work these days without having a water-tight excuse prepared in advance regarding Urgent Appointments they are Already Late for, in case they should meet me within a block of the Vibe.

But reasonably often they deign to recognize me, which I always find preferable, particularly when we've already arranged to meet.

They'll saunter in casually, you see, and give a slight wave or smile that is suddenly transformed into a look of intense panic as they find me suddenly five meters closer than expected, given that half a second previously I'd been sitting, to all appearances, content and serenely sipping tea.

It throws the staff a bit more, though, as they aren't used to things yet.  My friends have grown rather accustomed to violent, unexpected bear hugs (which make up for all the years of unprincipled friends tickling me when least expected, in my opinion.  pity it's not the same friends, but there's not much I can do about that, really.) and now know it's generally safest for all concerned to simply return them, and perhaps give a cautionary frolic or two so as to not be thrown too far off kilter.

The staff simply, I assume, watch in alarm, deciding whether or not to call security immediately, or to keep an eye on the situation for a few minutes first.

Then my friends and I meander over to order beverages and the staffs' momentary alarm is forgotten in the wake of impending cash.

Which they certainly receive a lot of.  There's many things I'll say for the Vibe, but if there's one thing I won't, it's regarding money.  It is not a cheap place, particularly when you're stalking a couple of times a week and feel the need to purchase a beverage an hour to keep the peace.

Thankfully they have come out with those handy customer loyalty cards, from which they thoughtlessly offer a free beverage after the purchase of every four hot drinks.

Presumably their line of reasoning went something along the lines of "we're a hotel, people will only stay here a short time, they're unlikely to drink more than four coffees here, or, if they do, we'll at least get them coming and going with our exorbitant room service charges."  Presumably they forgot to calculate in stalking co-workers.

I'm not complaining.

Anyway, I think it's time for interesting trivia about the Vibe.  Ahem.

--They dim the lights at precisely 6:15 every night, to correspond with sunset.

--They occasionally serve canapes free of charge (is that what canapes mean?  I've never worked out the exact definition, though I do know that I like them, which I think is the main thing.).  It is important, however, to be sure that the selected canapes are actually the complimentary ones and not the dish ordered by other patrons.  This mistake can prove highly embarrassing.

--The restrooms are one of Sydney's hidden gems of cleanliness and hair straighteners.  Should you be female and find yourself in desperate need of a hair straightener, fret no more.  The Vibe has you covered.  Should you be male and in a similar situation, I'm not really sure.  If the gents are not adequately covered, perhaps you could disguise yourself as a cleaning man and sneak in for a quick adventure.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is all you need to know about the Vibe.  Unless of course you mean to use it as a hotel, in which case I know nothing at all.  Perhaps you may like to find a different review, as I really can be of no further assistance.

Perhaps you'd like a drink in the lobby before you go, though?