quicko: welcome to america

I'm back in the United States for the next three weeks, so we're going to take this time to reflect on things from the opposite angle, or something like that. Actually I think we'll (imperial we here) just make it up as we go along, how's that? Oh, right, we suppose you're already used to that.

But first. I flew through LAX today, and would just like to issue a general apology to any visitor to the U.S. who has to go through there. (Citizens could do with one, too, but I feel a particular need to assure the weary traveler that it is an abyssmal representation of our country. I am sorry.)

I've never liked LAX but today it struck me, again, as disorganized, hot and bothered and tacky. The employees seem to be handpicked off ... well, I can't think of any polite way to put it, so I'm going to do what my mother taught me and not say anything at all if I can't say anything nice. Except that they just didn't seem like the sort of people I'd want to be entrusting with issues of national security at one of the biggest international airports in the country. But maybe that's just me.

LAX is so unprofessional. You can never find someone official when you need help, but there always seems to be an inordinately large number of (un?)official people barking orders and you and directing wary strangers to elevators that refuse to open. You can't really tell if they're supposed to be there or not, or if they're going to ask you for a donation when they go, though you'd consider making one if they were going to put it into their personal dental fund.

It's not particularly clean, either.

And that pretty much sums it up. I say head for San Francisco if you've got to stop in California; otherwise, hold out for Chicago's O'Hare (I think I'm now eligible to be a qualified tour guide of the nation's airports) where it actually operates like a first world establishment. It's, much like my high school, big, bright, open and mall-like. There are artistically painted benches and murals on the walls. It gives off a more cultured vibe (as opposed to the huddles masses vibe, which, however patriotic it may sound, is not at all attractive in real life) and is entirely more professional. But really, what more could any traveler want than its magical toilets?