Australia has a culture of shouting -- paying for each other, not screaming, that is. It's a nice concept and I like it all very well as part of their culture, but I have a hard time when it's thrust on me (as it very often is). As a reasonably poor and reasonably tight individual at the best of times, I have my own idea of what's acceptable in my budget, and I like to spend it when I feel like it how I feel like it. Thus, I'm perfectly happy to pay for my own meal (unless we're talking dates, in which case there's really unlikely to be a date number two if I end up paying my way!) or drink or whatever, but my Australian friends are always insisting on buying it for me. This just seems awkward to me. I know the theory is that next time I buy theirs, but the theory just falls down all over the place. What if I forget? (Then I'm a horrible person.) What if they again insist on buying the next time too? (Then I'm a doubly horrible person?) What if the prices aren't even and don't cancel each other out? (Then I'm out on the cash end.) What if I get in this shouting match of something I really don't want and wouldn't have bought otherwise? (Then I'm out on the cash end and frustrated.)
Basically, there just doesn't seem to be a way to win this friendly war. I'm trying to embrace the cultural differences, but I have to say this is one thing I do really prefer about my American interactions. Maybe it's just how I grew up, but it feels much more comfortable. Now, I'm not saying friends can't buy each other drinks, etc. -- but it's much more common for me to say buy a friend a drink if they've had a particularly horrible day and then expect nothing back. It's a friendly present because we're friends and they need it. Similarly, if I'd had a particularly horrible day, I'd be happy to receive a similar friendly present and also not feel obliged to return the favor, seeing as it isn't a favor, but just par for the course of friendship. Maybe it kind of works out that way here, too, more or less. Honestly, I'm sure I've come off it all better financially, but I have a feeling I'm not playing the game right, yet can't seem to work out how to do it better.
Gosh. I must be a horrible person.
Monday, May 7, 2012
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2 comments:
Don't worry - your true friends will understand that you can't return the favour in your current financial circumstances. I had the same problem in my late teens / early 20s. Now I'm the (relative) high earner so I get to have fun doing things for them. The same goes for shouting retired parents. :-)
I'm not sure there is necessarily an expectation to pay back like with like. At least there shouldn't be. I've certainly never shouted someone a drink/snack/meal with the expectation that they do the same for me down the track.
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