banner bonanza

So there's these gorgeous banners all over Sydney city that tend to make me go a bit shutter-happy. They're great decoration and I'm all for them, but I've got to thinking about them lately and have now raised a whole series of very important questions hitherto unconsidered in modern academia.

First, do they use new ones each year or do they recycle the old ones? Also, when do they get put up and taken down? Second, how much do they cost? Third, what do they do with the old ones? Fourth, what exactly are they made of? Fifth, what exactly is the animal on the blue poster? Finally, has anyone ever stolen or otherwise pranked one (or more)?

I then started to answer these, with the help of a friend who really is from Sydney and thus is completely qualified to give accurate assessments on such pressing life matters.

Initially she thought that certain annual banners might get recycled, but that the special ones would be made new each time. Then we thought about the exposure to the mighty Australian elements, though, and decided that perhaps new ones were used each time around, as they do always look quite fresh. Tattered banners just wouldn't do, now, would they? When exactly they change from one design to another, as they do with definite regularity, is still a matter of some concern. Presumably someone, or rather, a lot of someones, come along and yank them down, fasten in new ones and send them on up. But have you ever seen these someones? Neither have I, and I am not entirely sure they exist. Every city has its deep, dark secrets, and I think it is possible this is one of Sydney's. London might have Jack the Ripper, but Sydney has Jack the Mysterious Banner Ripper. Never heard of him either, have you? See. He's even more mysterious.

Regarding the cost, we came up with the figure of precisely $100 a poster. Noting that each pole always has 2 banners and that these poles line many, many long streets, we came up with the figure of precisely Very Large for the grand total city expenditure.

The question of what happens to the old banners remains, unfortunately, a mystery. We're inclined to think the city probably just pitches them, but I am happy to report that we've come up with several possible uses. First and most humanely, they could be sewed together and the homeless or heater-less could use them as blankets. Second, they could become doormats for loyal Sydneysiders. Third, they could be sewed together for the Guiness Book record of largest bunch of banners sewed together, and then go on display at the Royal Easter Show. Finally, if nothing else, surely they could be balled up and sold in tourist shops like everything else.

Now, we think that these banners are probably made of cloth and not plastic. It's just a guess, but we also don't think they're ceramic.

The dilemma of the animal on the blue banner is of yet another one of life's little unsolved mysteries. Originally, I thought it was a cute upside down cat, which is why I took a whole slew of pictures of it. However, I later looked at the photos and realized the tail was entirely too long and thin for a cat's and, thinking how this was the Chinese year of the rat and everyone'd made a fuss over that back whenever it was and there had been posters with amazingly cute rats on them, concluded therefore that it must be a rat. My friend, not wanting to introduce an animal not rhyming with HAT to the discussion, opted for a bat, which was also a good plan, as it was the only animal that really fit with the upside down plan, unless of course you count a cat with a long, thin tail stuck in a tree (I do). It does not, however, account for the huge googly eyes. Thus, she hit upon the idea of marsupials at large, by which she did not, alas, mean wombats. I believe possum was what she was going for, actually, and it's the best guess we've come up with, though doesn't rhyme with HAT, so its validity is, naturally, open to question.

Which brings us to our most important question: have any banners ever been stolen or otherwise pranked? Alas, we know of no such revelries. But, might I add, I have a wonderful, fabulous, fantastic, super-amazing prank idea. Think George Street. Think night. Think every single banner. Think turning them over and re-hoisting them. Upside down. But you didn't hear that from me.