quicko: peanut butter

They have peanut butter here, which is an excellent start, but they make it somewhat different, which is less of a good start. It's not altogether bad, though. The taste is all right, it's just not quite the same. The texture is off, but oddly on as it is noticeably less sticky here. That is, when you drop it on yourself, you're in a heck of a lot less trouble in Australia than in America. I'm not so frivolous as to experiment on my hair, but I daresay the results would be less catastrophic than they would be in America.

quicko: 9:30 to 4

These are my bank's hours. Does anyone else notice anything wrong with this picture? Or does no one in this country have that minor little detail of an 8-5 job? Who comes up with these hours? The world's most effective union?

And oh, yeah. You can forget Saturday while you're at it.

quicko: metric

Just for the record, they're on kilograms here. And liters and meters and Celsius. It's weird, though. You get used to being, say a reasonable 125 pounds most of your life, only to discover that 125 kilograms is an enormous heap of mass roughly twice the size of your formerly prim little frame. The effects would be devastating if only they were real. Thank goodness they're not.

quicko: luna park

Luna Park is one of the iconic parts of Sydney that anyone who lives here for any length of time visits. It's also one of the tackiest, and probably the biggest eyesore of the entire harbour. Of course I went. Of course I liked it. Of course I had my picture taken under the freakiest face in the Southern Hemisphere. Why do you ask?

quicko: backpackers

The word "backpacker" has an entirely different connotation in America as in Australia.

Americans conjure up images of mountain hikers, strapped to the hilt Bill Bryson-style with every imaginable tent, sleeping bag, blanket, insect repellent and extra socks and underwear, complete with a Johnny Appleseed pot on the head. Americans are set to trek the Appalachian Trail for months on end and bathe only every other week if a freshwater creek happens to emerge.

Consequently, most Americans are not what we'd call backpackers.

Australians, on the other hand, think of Brits. No, not the adventuresome, spelunking sort of Brits, but the young, drunk, noisy version. Backpackers to Australians are the people (usually 20-somethings on their mysterious "gap year") who travel around a country for months on end, staying at tourist hostels, working only to make ends meet and partying hardy the rest of the time. They too keep socks and spare underwear in their backpack, but that's about the only resemblance to an American backpacker. The rest is filled with clubbing clothes, sunscreen, bikinis, cameras and spare books to trade with fellow travelers.

Australia (and Europe, for that matter) is filled with this kind of backpacker. They're be more in America, but they're not quite sturdy enough to survive the Greyhound.

quicko: lack of legend

This is an interesting one. It's relatively true about America, too, but it struck me that compared to, say, Ireland, there is a complete lack of legend in Australia. (I suppose you could compare nearly anywhere to Ireland and come out feeling breathtakingly banal in terms of tales, but hey. It's a cool country and I've been there and I think the comparison's interesting. Hopefully you do, too ...) You just don't feel ghosts and goblins creeping around corners as you approach, or lurking behind you in dark streets. Not that you'd want to, but here it seems utterly impossible.

I think it's just a lack of history thing (excepting the Aborginals, of course), but I guess I like countries that have a bit more folklore than Waltzing Matilda to go on. Again, not that I have anything against Waltzing Matilda, it just doesn't speak volumes of story-saturated scenery to me. Bring on the sunburnt leprechauns!!

quicko: the truth about post offices

This one is a shocker. Are you sitting down? I never thought post offices could have such deep, dark secrets, but they do. Please sit down before further reading.

Ready? Braced? Steady? Are you sure?

Okay. Here it is: (breathe) post offices are franchises. They are not run by the government. They are not legal super-safe methods of mailing miscellanea. They could take your packages and run and hide and never give them to you again. Just ask my friend Meredith: one day she got a care package with nothing but tissue paper inside. Horrors!!

So, please, send me presents ... but nothing too amazing.