quicko: ameristralia

A bit of internet fun these days -- what would happen if America and Australia merged?

quicko: things americans are funny about

There's a handful of things that have cropped over the years that I always thought everyone was edgy about, but it turns out the Australians I've been around haven't been remotely phased by.  For instance:

--mail.  If it's not yours, you can't possibly open it.  Mail is like legal documents -- it's illegal to go messing with it if it isn't yours.  (Hence, I refuse to throw out junk mail addressed to my flatmate.)

--going into grocery stores with items previously purchased from the same establishment.  Freaks Americans out -- they'll think we stole it and we'll get in trouble if we can't find the receipt wadded up in the bottom of our bags.  Hence, one also always keeps one's receipts wadded up in the bottoms of our bags.  You never know, you know.

quicko: the brisbane line defense strategy

Now I haven't researched this fully (read: one of my friends once told me it was true), but evidently during World War II, Australia had an official government slogan that was "if things get really way too bad, then we're willing concede everything north of Brisbane."

Let's hope this wasn't common knowledge back then.

And, please, if this post incites you to comment overly quickly, think carefully how you phrase your response.  Relax.  Talk it out.  Then go ahead and correct me nicely.

quicko: ANZAC day

So ANZAC Day is a major holiday in Australia -- similar to the American Memorial Day, except with a more specific focus on a particular battle (Gallipoli, which I spelled correctly even before googling!, in Turkey in WWI), as well as all military personnel in general.

I spent the day in Manly and went to the 11 am service (there is a dawn service, but I have a rule about only doing dawn services for Jesus ... Easter and that's it!), which was lots longer and colder than I expected.  It lasted about an hour and twenty minutes and was complete with address by the mayor, singing of (actually very Christian) hymns, speeches by a student and a military bigwig of some sort, more singing, special music, a dedication ceremony of two new names of Manly residents who'd died in combat to the cenotaph, more special music, a wreath laying ceremony that consisted of 40 wreaths laid 2 by 2 (a solid 20 minutes in and of itself!) and reveille.  It was a nice service, but long and cold.

There was a "parade" leading up to it ... if you want to define the flag, a single marching band about three boy scout troops as a parade.  In the city there would have presumably been a much more extensive parade, and other services.

All in all, ANZAC Day is the sort of holiday upstanding citizens celebrate solemnly, and the rest of the lot party hardy as a day off work.

quicko: muppets and politics

I'd heard "muppets" used a bit here as a potentially softer term for "stark raving idiots," but had assumed it was most idiosyncratic.  It seems to be popping up a bit more lately, though (generally in regard to the current political fiasco*), and I think it might actually be an Australianism ... maybe.

*Current political fiasco:  in a very brief nutshell, Kevin Rudd had been elected Prime Minister in 2007 by the people, though, technically, they elected the Labor Party and not Kevin Rudd.  Thus, a couple years ago when the Labor Party decided they wanted to change their top dog they one morning very coolly kicked Kevin out and put Julia Guillard in.  This left most Australians pretty put out with Julia and feeling a bit sorry for Kevin, who got made Foreign Minister (not a bad gig, but still a demotion).  Kevin hasn't had a great track record for kindness, tact and anger management, but just recently he was caught swearing up a storm about ... some important Asian dignitary he really shouldn't have been swearing about (or at?).  Then, (possibly but not necessarily related to that) he resigned from his post as Foreign Minister while in Washington, D.C. (not Australia!!) and called an early morning press conference (in Australia) to steal Julia's mid-morning press conference thunder, I think.  Anyway, there's speculation he's now about to oust her the way she ousted him.  However, now everyone is so sick of the whole thing no one likes anyone in politics anymore (big change there, huh?) no one seems to care but just wants their politicians to grow up and stop acting like muppets.

quicko: kevin rudd no longer foreign minister

It seems that Kevin Rudd, former Prime Minister of Australia and now former Foreign Minister of Australia, has resigned once again under less-than-favorable circumstances.  He's part of the Australian Labor Party (whose American spelling never fails to intrigue me), which is on the left side of Australian politics.  (As opposed to the Liberal party, which is on the right.  Seriously.)

quicko: obama in australia

I caught a snippet of the news the other night and saw President Obama on it.  It was a little surreal and reminded me that, if I were in America, I'd see the President on the news all the time.  Here it happens of course, but not nearly as regularly.

(He was on the news here because he's visiting for a brief stint.  He hasn't looked me up to say hello yet, though.)

quicko: harold holt

Former Prime Minister of Australia.  Only one they actually misplaced entirely.  Bill Bryson tells it much better than I, but suffice it to say they've never yet found him.  I also understand he makes an excellent object lesson when teaching past modals of possibility -- "He could have been eaten by a shark," "He might have been a Russian spy all along" or even "But of course!  He's just still off chucking a sickie!"

quicko: a quote from former prime minister paul keating

"If you're not living in Sydney, you're camping out."

Thank goodness I'm living in Sydney.

quicko: bad, bad news

So there's this thing in Australia called Super, and it's pretty super if you're Australian:  it's like a 401k (I think ... not ever having precisely learned what a 401k is, I can't really say for sure) -- a retirement fund that your employer contributes the equivalent of 9% of your wages into.  Great plan, right?

Wrong.  Super, like I said, if you're Australian.  Not-so-super if you're not.  Turns out when you leave they slam with you pulling-out-early nonsense that leaves you with sixty-five -- sixty-five!! -- percent of what you're entitled to.  So instead of that kind of nice hunk of cash I thought I had -- I have sixty-five percent of a nice hunk of cash.  Not so super, hey?

(And, no.  I know what you're thinking:  what if I just wait until I am 65 or whatever and get it then?  Turns out that by the time that would happen they'd slam so many other fees on top that there would be zero percent of it left.  Damned if you do and damned if you don't, hey?  (Apologies for the language.  Seems Garry's bad influence is rubbing off on me.)

quicko: WA license plates

I learned today that Western Australia's license plates actually identify which town the driver is from in the first three digits/letters.  I almost took a picture, but was afraid the driver might not like that.  Sorry.

quicko: the pledge

As far as I know, Australians don't have a pledge of allegiance.  Or if they do, I don't think the kids recite it at school every day.

quicko: the ATO

The Australian Tax Office.  Much as I dislike it throughout the year, I'm generally quite the fan post-June 30 when I get my tax back!  Currently holding on with bated breath!

quicko: edmund barton

Betcha don't know who he is!

Let me help:

Edmund Barton:Australia::George Washington:America

Except of course you've got to think Prime Minister instead of President.  But otherwise, you ought to be able to figure it out from there.